Peanut Butter and Jelly
by dragonsfairy
Summary: RoyXEd Oneshot What does Roy come home to?


This is set in the future. Ed is twenty and Al has his body back.

Roy Mustang opened the door to his house to find complete chaos. His furniture was tipped over the cushions spread across the floor. Cabinet doors were opened, revealing empty shelves now that their contents joined the cushions. If he had not known better, Roy would have thought himself a victim of a robbery. But no thief was stupid enough to mess with the Flame Alchemist. Very few people were. It was just his luck that two of these people happened to live with him. This fact cemented that no would be thief entered this house. NO one was stupid enough to mess with the three of them combined.

A loud banging noise came from the next room, drawing Roy's attention to the kitchen. As he carefully navigated his way forward, the Flame Alchemist could just hear the conversation his housemates were engaged in.

"It would just -" bang "-be easier to-" bang "- transmute it Brother."

"Easier yes-" Bang "-but not nearly-" bang "-as satisfying." Bang, bang.

"The Colonel will-" bang "-be home soon." Bang. "You should finish soon."

A flurry of bangs erupted as a tall, young man stepped out into the hall. Grey eyes met black as the Flame Alchemist rounded the corner. A black eyebrow raised in question was answered by a shoulder shrug.

"Welcome home, Colonel."

"Alphonse, seems like the two of you have been busy."

Grey eyes lit with amusement. "You should ask Brother about it. I'm off to Winry's. You two have fun, try not to kill each other, and the place better be cleaned by noon tomorrow."

The blond man walked through the disaster zone that had once been their living room and out of the house, leaving two of the most feared men to face off in a discussion as to why said living room was no longer pristine.

Taking a deep breath, Roy stepped into the kitchen. Here looked even worse than the living room. It seemed as if every cupboard had been emptied and the food thrown around. And there in the middle sat his other housemate. His long blond hair spilled from the high ponytail it had been secured in as he examined something on the floor. Roy watched as the other lifted a wrench and brought it down on the object in front of him.

"Just what are you doing down there?" smirked Roy.

"Who are you calling so short you almost stepped on him because you thought he was a bug!" exploded the blond, jumping off of the floor and glaring at the newcomer.

Roy continued to smirk as he arced an eyebrow at the man in front of him. "I hope you know that I am not cleaning the house. And since Al left for Winry's with instr-"

"I am not cleaning it. You're the reason that the house is a mess. You will be the one to clean it!"

Gritting his teeth, Roy glared at the impossible man in front of him. "In case you forgot, I was at work all day, and when I left this morning everything was in it's rightful place."

"You were in charge of shopping for the week," declared the younger man as if this cleared up everything.

"And I put the food a way. IN the cupboard. Where it belongs."

"Al made you a list."

"And I got everything from the list."

"Ha. So you said. I don't know why but I believed you."

"Edward, what does this have to do with the mess you made of our house?"

"I believed you when you said you got everything. So I had to look. When I couldn't find it in the kitchen, I thought that you had been a scatter brain and put it somewhere else. So I searched everywhere."

"Wait a minute what do you mean by everywhere?"

Glaring the blond continued. "I mean everywhere: The kitchen, living room, the den and library, the bathroom, our room, I even searched Al's bedroom. He was not happy."

"You mean the whole house is like_ this_?"

"Yes and it's your fault!"

"Oh no you don't. You do not get to blame this on me." Stepping closer, he glared at the other man. Edward stepped closer until they were nose to chest-er- nose.

"Yes, I do. It's your fault. You said you bought it, so I had to look. You _lied_ to me Colonel Mustang."

The teller man took a step back. So that was how Ed and Al were playing it. To be fair it probably was just Ed, since Al had been at work that day until four that afternoon. When Ed and Al had moved in a rule was quickly established by Al. Any situation that resulted from a broken promise, a lie, or an omission of the truth was to be resolved by the person who broke the promise, lied or omitted the truth. For peace and harmony to continue to (mostly) reign in the house, this rule had to be followed strictly. Neither of them wanted to anger Alphonse by refusing to obeyed by this one law. Though neither of them were above creating a situation such as the current problem at hand.

"Fine," the Flame Alchemist snarled. "My fault. What did I forget to pick up?"

Edward looked calmly at Roy and smirked. "Peanut butter."

What happened next-if it had been witnessed- would have won Lt Jean Havoc a hefty sum of money from the betting pool. Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, seducer of women- until one blond man came along- face did the most unusual thing. It turned white, or whiter one should say, as most of the blood left his face.

"Peanut Butter," he whispered.

"And Jelly."

"No, no. It's here!"

"Nope. I already looked. Everywhere. Remember." The look that crossed the Full Metal Alchemist face could only be described as the cat that got the canary and the cream. While the look the crossed his counter part could be complete and utter desperation.

Roy was one of the few people privileged. or cursed, with the knowledge that Edward Elric loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Also in his knowledge was the consequence of what happened when Edward did not get his sandwich when he wanted one. Vengeance was delivered swiftly and made right to the point.

The dark-haired man frantically looked around the kitchen, searching for one item among the clutter. His gaze landed near the spot that one Edward Elric had recently occupied on the kitchen floor. There, just inches a way from the wrench, were pieces of what could once have been called a coffeemaker. Not just any coffeemaker, but the only coffeemaker that could brew the perfect cup of coffee. Coffee which Roy needed to survive. He, as Edward knew, could not function with out coffee. The crap that was brewed in his office would only do after he had drank a pot of the perfect stuff at home. Not even Hawckeye's gun could make him function without that first pot of coffee from home.

"My coffeemaker. You destroyed my coffeemaker." Disbelief colored Roy's voice.

"You made it so I couldn't have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." Blue eyes looked unsympathetic into black ones as the older man tore his gaze a way from the pile of rubbish.

"Is it all still there?"

Shrugging the blond man replied, "Might be, might not. All I know is I still don't have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." Crossing his arms Edward glared at Roy.

Knowing Edward had more than likely already hidden a crucial part of his precious coffeemaker, Roy gave in. Heaving a sigh of defeat, Roy plodded his way back to the front door, out into the street, and to the nearest store that sold peanut butter and jelly.

Upon his return he went immediately into the kitchen where the blond little devil waited. The sandwich was made and devoured in record time.

"You still have to clean the house. Al said it needed to be done by noon tomorrow, but not to worry about his room. He'd take care of that."

Roy sighed again. If he had learned anything in the past two years living with the Elric Brothers, it was that no sane person messed with Edward when he needed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but _no_ one denied Alphonse when he gave a time limit to a project. If he pissed Al off, his coffeemaker wouldn't be smashed, it would be gone.

Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, knew one thing for certain. Next time he went to the store he would not be forgetting the peanut butter and jelly.


End file.
